Halloween Jubille: Queen Elizabeth Costume

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Get your mind out of the gutter: ‘Diamond Jubilee’ is not here to give you a lap dance. Instead, tip your hat(s) to history and consider dressing as Queen Elizabeth for Halloween this year.

queen elizabeth jubilee

2012 represents 60 years’ of Her Majesty’s reign, hyped as her ‘diamond jubilee.’ The People’s Republic of China, the VW Bug and the Polaroid camera also came to power about 60 years ago, but finding the props for a Queen Elizabeth costume is infinitely easier. As a national symbol, the Queen of England is legally unisex. So don’t worry about gender when selecting this theme for your costume.

queens corgiComing as royalty for Halloween this year doesn’t mean having to send 45,000 Christmas cards, as the Queen reportedly does. Instead, start by finding a corgi to accompany you out. The Queen has owned more than 30 corgis during her reign, and currently keeps three at the palace. Marshal your friends to follow you admiringly, and refer to this parade as ‘Trooping the Color’ in the manner of the queen.

Once you have your corgi and your entourage, you can choose which queen style suites you best.

 

1) Traditional Queen: a dowdy pastel dress, topped with a three-strand pearl necklace and a large hat. Decorate the hat with random ribbons, tchotchkes and stuffed animals found around the home for a typical British look.

2) God Save the Queen: show everyone that punk is not dead. Download the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee seal here and draw it on your arm as a tattoo. A safety pin in one ear, 20-hole Doc Martin boots and a ripped tank top provide the base of the look. Spitting and moshing are optional, but encouraged.

3) Drag Queen: same as #1, but with huge stiletto heels, fake DD breasts and a butt-length weave.

4) Queen Queen: same as #1, but accompanied by “Bohemian Rhapsody” throughout the evening.

If done correctly, this costume may earn you another 60 years of notoriety.

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Barack Obama Halloween Costume

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Obama at podium

You have a history of cleaning up after idiots. You moonlighted as a street sweeper, cleaned the bar after closing, and then there was that shameful time you picked all the green M&Ms out of the bowl for the Insane Clown Posse. The natural follow up: dressing as President Obama for Halloween.

Ears that stick out and an extra thick skin for rebuffing criticism make you a shoo-in, but thanks to the magic of a latex mask, even a Betty White look-alike can double as our POTUS.

Barack Obama maskObama pumpkin head mask
Vinyl Obama mask / WTF?? Obama pumpkin head mask

To put together your Barack Obama Halloween costume, a dark suit and a full head vinyl Obama mask are really all that’s needed. A good quality mask can be purchased online or at a costume store for about $10-$30. You may already own a dark suit, but if not, a thrift store or wedding rental shop is an excellent resource.

To have fun with this costume you could also include a wearable podium. Using a large rectangular cardboard box, such as one from a car seat or microwave oven, print and glue the presidential seal on the front. Make sure the box is large enough to fit inside and use rope to create “suspenders” to hold it up.

Presidential podium

Open both ends, stand inside and adjust the podium to chest height by tightening the rope. A mock microphone taped inside the lip of the box-podium is a good idea. You may be able to use your jacket to cover the rope.

 

 

 

Another great touch is to have a group of friends accompany you as the Secret Service, in plain black suits and using ear buds in one ear for “communication.”

If anyone criticizes your costume, explain that you couldn’t afford the Mitt Romney costume as it’s only available to the top 1% of the wealthy and comes with its own stock options.

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Pan Am Stewardess Costume

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pan am stewardess costume

Just when it seemed that stewardess mystique was dead–killed by outlawing discrimination, cutting off free drinks and too many air marshals–here comes ABC to bring it back. If you would like to revisit the time before disabling the lavatory smoke detector carried a $25,000 fine, come to your Halloween party this year dressed in a Pan Am stewardess costume!

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Steve Jobs Halloween Costume

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Steve Jobs Costume

Not only was Steve Jobs one of the greatest tech entrepreneurs in American history, but he was also a co-founder of Pixar Animation Studios and an executive producer of the movie Toy Story. Just a bit of Jobs trivia that you can tell at your upcoming Halloween party. With that in mind, why not pay tribute to this amazing man by making this your Halloween costume for 2011. It’s geek-cool, it’s easy to make and you shouldn’t have to spend the entire night explaining who you are. Besides, it’s the perfect costume to wear when you visit that one house around the corner that passes out iPads for Halloween (I wish).

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Corporate Zombie Costume (Wall Street Protesters)

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corporate zombie costume

You’d like to occupy Wall Street but you’ve been too busy getting ready for Halloween. Take heart! With the right costume you can enjoy fellowship with the protesters AND a cold beer at the same time.

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