The U.S. dollar is so weak that you can buy an actual American captain on Japanese eBay for six yen. But for those of us on this end of the paycheck, a Captain America costume for Halloween might be the best we can do. Or, in the event that even that is a stretch, here are some ideas for alternative Captain America costumes you can make yourself.
Junior Assistant America
Captain America gets all publicity and glory, but who do you think has to put WD-40 on the shield? That’s right: Junior Assistant America. Instead of Lycra and a face mask, Junior Assistant America wears a tank top with a star on the front and has a lower case “a” written on his forehead with an eyeliner pencil. Perfect for underachievers, this costume can be completed in less than five minutes.
Captain America Ferrera
Real superheros have curves. As Captain America Ferrera, your booty should stop crime all by itself. A blue Spandex dress, red heels and a purse shield will allow you to protect los Estados Unidos de América in style.
From his tightly-wrapped bulge to his “boy companion” Bucky, we all know what’s going on here: this captain bats for the other team. For a gay Captain America costume, try purchasing a standard Captain America costume online and adding a rainbow flag pin and an apple martini.
Real Time Captain America
Steve Rogers was born on July 4, 1917, making him 94 years old this year. So break out your walker, high-rise Lycra and red orthopedic boots and play real time Captain America. Instead of shouting “Avengers assemble!” try shouting “Get off my lawn!”
Original Captain America
For the first Americans, that capital A did not mean rescue–just ask Hester Prynne. As Puritan Captain America, you may be shunned by those around you–but wear your scarlet letter proudly. A bonnet in place of the face mask and some embroidery to keep your hands busy in place of the shield will set you on your way in the New World.
image by vladeb